Every culture/ethnicity/family has different traditions, and I would love to explore the different ones involved in weddings, but first I will start with what I know.
The Chinese always hold a tea ceremony. The tea ceremony represents the bride being officially introduced to the extended family. I have been at weddings where the tea ceremony takes place before the wedding day, during, and after, so that seems to be when it is most convenient for the couple and their families. In the past, the tea ceremony would only take place with the groom's family, but with current times it takes place with both sides of families.
Most often the bride wears a QiPao or Cheongsam
(sorry I am not posting pictures yet for legality reasons) in red while the groom gets to wear a suit/tux. The order of service starts with the groom's side then the bride's side.
- parents
- grandparents
- grand uncles/aunts
- uncles/aunties
- elder brothers/sisters
- elder cousins
In some cases, the grandparents are served before the parents out of respect. The dad's relatives are served before the mom's relatives.
I personally would want to include younger siblings and cousins (though this requires some money leaving my pocket!). This is where tea is served by the younger siblings and cousins to groom/bride. Sometimes this is not done for time constraints reasons. (But then you make your youngers sad they don't get red packages! Who wants to have a grouchy flower girl?)
The biggest thing is to get your family titles correct! You don't want to be calling an aunt by the wrong title. In addition, asking them to drink the tea (in Chinese or English) usually helps. :)
Now for the workout, to kneel or not to kneel? This is really up to the couple, though I recommend bowing if you are not kneeling. This just shows an extra level of respect and allows you not to spill tea on your relative's head.
Which side does the bride go? The bride will stand to the right of the groom and serve tea to the male relative While the groom will serve tea to the female relative.
What happens if someone cannot attend? Someone can drink an extra cup of tea on behalf of the relative (only for living relatives).
GIFTS?! Yes, the tradition is that after serving the tea, the relative will gift the couple a red package which can be filled with money or jewelry. In some cases, relatives expect the bride to wear the jewelry she is given right away.
PS its custom to give a red package to the helper (whoever is cleaning/pouring the tea for you).
So can I just use any tea? No! The tradition is to use a red tea, but there are some teas that are used for the sake of their names:
Lotus seeds and red dates tea (莲子红枣茶) Which symbolizes that the couple couple will bear children quickly and continuously. (Reference)
Longans and red dates tea （龙眼红枣茶）The longan represents a "dragon" and the wish for having male children. (Reference)
